Things not to do in the Avengers Tower
by albert12
Summary: There are some things that a group of super-heroes should be smart enough not to do... but aren't. And hence they learn the hard way...Second chapter now up! On hold for a few weeks due to extenuating circumstances.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I just sort of had the idea for this after finally watching the Avengers, so I typed it up. Here goes!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers.

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The list had just sort of appeared in the common room of the Avengers tower, on the wall next to the door. Tony examined it for a second before Jarvis confirmed that the clipboard was, in fact, super-glued to the wall.

The paper was blank except for a large, bold title at the top proclaiming "**_Things not to do in the Avengers Tower_**".

He thought for a second before pulling out an ink pen and writing the first rule.

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**1- Under no circumstances is Thor to be allowed anywhere near the microwave.**

He had put the pop-tarts in, pressed the buttons as Jane had instructed, but the machine had refused to do anything. He pressed the buttons again, just like he was supposed to. He had then taken a fit of temper.

Hawkeye had come running in just in time to hear "All right, 'Sears', meet Mjölnir!" and see the microwave turned into a microwave pancake.

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**2- Cap isn't permitted to use it without supervision, either.**

This one was in Pepper's handwriting. Apparently, it had something to do with putting the entire box of microwave popcorn in at once...

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**3- Do not use the last ice cube in the freezer.**

Bruce Banner had poured himself a ginger-ale, checked the freezer for an ice cube...

The refrigerator had not survived. Or the Dishwasher. Or the Microwave. Or the Waffle Iron. Or the kitchen window, once Thor had intervened.

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**4- THE IRON MAN SUIT IS NOT FOR JOYRIDING!**

The suit was usually quite dangerous. With the Black Widow in command, however, it had proved...excessively deadly.

Especially to glass windows.

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**5- If it's an earth-food, and not from the Dark Ages, you can be fairly sure Thor doesn't know how to eat it.**

The Corn-on-the-cob fiasco was- well... no one wanted to remember it.

Least of all Thor.

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**6- I will KILL the person who taught Thor the 'Water Buffalo song'**

Obviously, Natasha was teed off, Tony noted.

From three floors below, the strains of '...everybody's got a Water Buffalo, where'd we get them I don't know, but everybody's got a Water Bufalooooo!' and then 'Noooo! Don't throw that!' drifted up through the floor.

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**7- No dropping water balloons off the top of the tower at passer-by.**

It had been funny... until one hit an outgoing Bruce Banner.

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**8- Natasha is never to be allowed near Root Beer ever again. Ever!**

Apparently, food coloring sent the Black Widow hyperactive- and having the world's foremost spy/assassin bouncing around, giggling, poking people in the nose while shouting "Beep!" was not something people wanted to remember.

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**9- Pepper is no longer permitted to use the Iron Man suit.**

Beneath it was written "_**Pepper never WANTS to use the Iron Man suit again!**_" in her own handwriting.

An incident with a group of terrorists attacking the tower with stolen Chitauri equipment-while the rest of the Avengers were somewhere in South America- had forced her to use the suit. With JARVIS's help, she had won the battle, but the Empire State Building would never look quite the same again.

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**10- The 'Pants' silly song is not to be sung anywhere in the tower.**

Tony had become...inebriated. And while inebriated, he had removed and misplaced his pants.

He had been awakened the next morning to the sound system playing "The Pants song" on repeat.

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**11- Whoever replaced my bow and arrows had better look out!**

Thor looked at this new rule in extreme puzzlement.

Until Natasha ran past, pursued by Clint with a extremely small bow and styrofoam-tipped arrows.

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**12- Washer. Dishwasher. BIG difference, Cap!**

Tony wasn't sure what prompted this rule, but he bought a new dishwasher just the same.

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**13-**** The fireworks display is not a personal challenge, Thor!**

Thor had seen the Fourth-of July fireworks display, and apparently taken it as a personal challenge.

He was winding up to a truly epic lightning storm when Captain America had knocked him in the head with the shield, putting him nicely out cold.

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**14- Bruce Banner is not allowed anywhere near the cotton candy.**

The Cotton candy vendor hadn't been too happy about the large green person tearing the top off of the booth, eating everything and the machine for good measure.

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**15- Asgardian ales are designed to inebriate far superior beings to us mortals. Don't try them!**

Thor had brought a cask of ale back with him from Asgard. Clint had sampled a tiny bit- and had passed out two minutes later.

Not before he had a chance to run his underwear up the flagpole, though.

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**16- In no case is anyone to adjust the air conditioning in the Iron Man suit!**

Tony had defeated the monster without so much as scratching the suit's paint- but he had then gone to the hospital with a bad case of frostbite.

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Author's note:Please forgive the occasional error- I honestly wasn't that big of a fan of the comic books, and I may be messing the spelling up dramatically.

Well? What did you think of it? Horrible? Wonderful? Review and let me know!


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note:_

Well, by popular demand, here is another chapter! I hope you all have as much fun reading it as I did writing it!

A special thanks to **SarahMDillon**, who provided me with the idea for number 18, and **Mrs Billy Pratt**, who inspired number 20.

It took a bit longer to write this than I would have liked. I got a cut on the end of one of my fingers, which really messed up my typing.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers.

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**17- When formally invited to Asgard, it is inadvisable to bring a skateboard.**

The entire group had been invited to the Realm Eternal to witness Loki's trial. Tony had packed a skateboard.

Loki was now back on earth, stuck in the form of a Dire Wolf.

Tony was also grounded, but that was due to two black eyes, a broken arm and a busted nose.

The broken arm and black eyes had come from an unforeseen pillar. The broken nose- that was courtesy of the Norse Goddess of Healing, Eir.

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**18- In no condition are any members of the Avengers initiative to hold a sing-off.**

As it turned out, only three of the Avengers could sing, and only two of those worth anything.

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**19- Filling the Iron Man suit with Strawberry Jell-O does not make Tony "Extremely Happy and strawberry-smelling" !**

Tony was livid. Pepper was furious. Darcy was hiding.

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**20- From now on, we are not purchasing foods stored in glass jars!**

Bruce had already been having a bad day. Not being able to get the pickle jar open-

Well, Tony was buying another kitchen. Again.

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**21- In no condition is anyone to graffiti ****Mijonor!**

Tony. Copious quantities of alcohol. Spray-paint.

Fortunately, the Iron Man armor had caught up with him in time.

**22- Also, don't use Norse runes if you don't know what they mean.**

Thor had taken to shooting mystified glances at Tony.

Tony had finally resorted to asking Loki as to what the runes actually meant. The Dire Wolf had laughed his head off, then took a whiteboard marker in his teeth and wrote that Tony had, according to those runes, personally challenged the World Tree to single combat.

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**23- None of the avengers are permitted to prank-call the President.**

Well, Clint thought, that explains why Fury was so teed off.

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**24- I don't care what Natasha says- Sporks are not an acceptable melee weapon!**

A battle with a group of particularly annoying goblin-creatures had resulted in the Black Widow exhausting her supply of knives and other instruments of destruction.

Without missing a beat, she grabbed a Spork from her mess kit and dived back into the fray.

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**2****5- When I find the person who planted the rubber snake..**

Clint was out to turn someone into a pin-cushion. Or maybe just test the new tranquilizer arrows...

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**26- Can someone familiar with earth-customs aid me in removing Loki from this "Pound"-building?**

It had been fun, scaring people- until someone called the dog catcher.

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**27- I don't care if it's an emergency- don't wake Bruce at 3:am by dumping cold water on him!**

Cap was fine. Bruce's room, the window, the windows across the street, and the nerves of the night watchman in the building across the street...not so much.

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**28- In no case are any of the Norse Gods to be re-colored.**

Thor had stormed into the common room, his entire being a rather startling shade of neon pink.

**29- Thor, get Tony out of the washing machine!**

Apparently, Thor had found who was responsible for the dye.

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**30- Very funny. Now get the chickens out of my shower.**

Clint glanced at the rule, saw it was Nick Fury's handwriting, and decided he didn't even want to know.

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_Author's note_:

You know the drill-review and let me know what you thought! The more reviews, the sooner the next chapter!


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